What's the quote about you should pray on your knees more often, ummm yeah, something like that, I dunno but I just need to write how I'm feeling at this moment.
You just never know what the lady next to you at the light is going through or the gentleman walking his dog on the sidewalk. If we all had slate boards that we wore around our necks that had written on them just a couple of words that describe the shit you're going through would make you feel more compassionate toward your neighbor wherever you are. Just a couple of words is all. Some I know would be more shocking than others. Maybe just for the day your slate would read 'Stubbed Toe', or 'Calculus Final'. The lady next to you without makeup on and is a hot mess would read, 'New Parent'...ugh wasn't that the best and worst times I've had all wrapped up into one. Even happy events, 'Just Married' 'Preggers' 'New Car'...
Well today my slate would read, 'Dad has cancer'. Colon to be exact.
What is it about this word that scares the hell out of me...maybe the unknown. I know for myself it's because I know NOTHING about Cancer. I mean who the hell googles cancer...no one unless you're a freak or you need to know whether this word is about to rock your world more or less than you think. You need to google it so you can brace yourself for what's to come. Cancer I do know doesn't choose its victims. Just a random draw of 'who gets the short straw today...' Also I might add is I've never had someone in my family since like my great great great grandma have cancer so I've never really wanted to read about it, if that makes sense.
You now what else the cancer word makes me want to do. Get a colon cleanse, body scan, head scan, stomach scan, heart scan, limb scan, did I miss a scan. How about just a body scan altogether. Also only eat that green smoothie crap for the rest of my life, get off of anything fast food, stop eating meat, stop all snack runs to the local Chevron and cut out all soda in my life...alittle extreme, absolutely. Oh did I mention not eating food dye anymore and making sure I run 5 miles a day everyday until I'm saaaay 85 years old, that's a good number. (I have to giggle because I'm feeding Maddox Cheetos as I type...nice, way to start that healthy kick)
I think I've personally only known a couple people who've gone through CANCER. I feel like I have to put it in giant letter like THIS!
I vividly remember the day I was at work when my boss's wife had been diagnosed with CANCER, in I want to say 2008. What a crumby day. I say crumby because she'd describe it as crumby because she's such a nice, tender, spiritual, church going, did I mention nice, suuuper wonderful woman. I'm a pig face and would like to say every swear in the book, don't put it past me at the moment...ever actually, I'll always be a church going curser ;)
Cancer also makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs in anger but in the midst of screaming fall on my knees and pray to my Heavenly Father. It never fails to makes you feel better, every time. (I'm going to burn for cussing and talking about praying in the same post)
Well this is what I'm feeling, I usually don't write in sadness or anger. I'm a very happy person but I needed to just (pause)..........write.
Next week we find out what type of Cancer beast we're dealing with...off to say a little prayer(like the song off of My Best Friends Wedding, love that movie) apparently I'm a smart alec when I'm typing under emotions of upset/sad/mad, good for me ;D
9 comments:
So So Sorry Love:( Cancer sucks balls, I feel like everyone around me is getting it myself included. I hope you hear the best of the worst news you can get for your daddy.
You are totally right, you never know what anyone is going through, and when you are faced with something terrible you feel so alone and like everyones life just keeps going on but yours has stopped.
Let me know if you want to get out, cus a little, or a lot. You know I'm going to hell with you!
Mwah
Sorry to hear about your dad Lindsay. It has hit my family more then once and they have all made it through. I will keep your family in my prayers.
Oh linds.... This makes me just sick. You know that I know all too well what it feels like to receive this news. Ugh.... not fun. Please know that if you need someone to talk to you can always call me. I love you and I am so more than willing to just sit on the phone and bawl together if that's what you need. Cancer is such a big word, when we hear it we think it means "certain death", so hearing that diagnosis is so scary. But it's amazing what those doctors can do and more importantly, what God can do. Miracles happen every day and I know we saw tons of miracles, big and small, through my mom's cancer journey. It was gut-wrenching and tear-jerking and hard, really hard to watch my mom go through that and for my family to go through it with her, but it brought us so much closer as a family and closer to heavenly father. And we found so much peace through prayer and through looking at everything with a big-picture, eternal perspective. God is always in charge and this was one of those times that all we could do was pray our guts out and cry our eyes out and take His hand wherever He was ready to lead us. It was an amazing, hard, beautiful experience.
I love you! Hang in there! Call me anytime! I'm here for you. Hope you get good news from the doctors. I'm praying for you and your family.
Oh Linds! That's terrible - I love you and am hoping and praying for you that you hear the best possible news!
Love ya!
Linds! I am SO sorry!! Your dad and family are in our prayers! Love you!
Jindsay Lones or Hindsay Lenderson it is now! Good hell it's been a while. I found you through Kami's and am so sorry to hear about your dad. He's a tough guy and I'm sure that cancer has nothing on him! Sending good vibes your way.
ah, Lindsay. I'm so sorry. That just breaks my heart. You are a good writer and I've found that writing out everything has helped me out so much! Keep doing that even if you are the only one who will ever read it.
Sending prayers your way!
Thank you so much ladies, it means a lot to me and your support, kind and loving word you've wrote!! I'm going to need some serious girl time for the next couple of months. :D You outta towners should meet me in Utah for a little R and R :) Love you ladies mucho mucho!! xo
Hey Lindsay! I'm so sorry!!!! This made me want to drive all the way up to Idaho and give you a BIG hug!!!!! I don't know how you feel, I don't know what to say!! I don't know how I would react to something like this, I can't imagine what you are thinking. I do know that you are one strong chick and you are loved so much! I know you that you that you are the spirit feelin' kind (we have had some moments):) Just pray like crazy, I will for you and your family! Oh lindsay I sure love you! Thinking about you!
Love,
Post a Comment